The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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