Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
