Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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