and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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