i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I think my moral compass just broke
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
