I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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