im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
