new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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