are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
