those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
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You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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