the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
