This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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