Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
