OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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