you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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