I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
