I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
