And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
