that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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