I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
