My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
