I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
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