Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
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