I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm at about main and main street
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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