I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
