There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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