the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
