If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
