he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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