I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
