Duck Duck Cougar?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
