remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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