Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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