sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
