he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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