I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
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