Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
