i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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