So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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