Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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