First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
