Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
