On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize