new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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