She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
