we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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