Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
