so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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