why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
