So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize