defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
