arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
