It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
