You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
