you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We need to feng shui this bitch.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
