My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
you would pick up someone in the library
so let's talk penis.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
