I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
