I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
The air taste purple.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
