I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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