you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
