it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
