I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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