i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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