Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize