Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
