I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
