I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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