i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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