do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
