Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
COCAINE IS GR8
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
