if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
