I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
