I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
