oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
