I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
