He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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