he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
