God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
