you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize