I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
