I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
