my mouth tastes like poor choices
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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