I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
