Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
