all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
