I hate your face
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
