the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
