I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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