i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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