just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Watching her eat just hurts me
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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