I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
