Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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