my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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