um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
