Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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