Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
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So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
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Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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