I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
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