I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
