Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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