cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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