..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
